Burnt Toast article

[sangster]

Phi - the impression i get from the article you wrote "Burnt Toast" is that you've come from a very humble and respectable upbringing and I admire that you are "still" influenced by your culture. I am also fortunate to have parents that would give up just about anything to make sure we get the best education they can afford.

My observation of the current trends in Vietnamese/American teens are very disturbing. The majority of teenagers that i've observed, at least here in denver, are forgetting where they came from or just simply do not know their heritage.

The teens that I grew up with and the teens today are from opposite ends of the spectrum.

Teens today seems to be adopting the ganglike attitudes in the way they talk, act and think resulting in disrespectful behaviours. Education doesn't seem to be as important. They have a determined mindset that if their parents can make a comfortable living owning a mom & pop shop, they can too with little or no college education.

Therefore, are the parents to blame? Is this the cause of the trends I'm seeing?

Asian parents have always worked hard and such long hours and do tend to neglect their children. However, The first 2 generations were less influenced by western cultures because of our ingrained sensitivity to our own culture. While the newer generations are more eager to absorbed western influence.

As parents of three, 2 girls & a baby boy, my wife & I find ourselves running out of time each day driving just two kids to soccer, golf and dance - and, almost forgot, vietnamese language class on Sunday. This pattern goes on 7 days a week.

We are thankful to be able to take off early each day from work to do these activities with our children. We are also thankful to BE so involved in our children's activities and can only hope to continue through their adult life even if it means giving up everything.

Our children never remember what they get on Christmas or how much money they get on "Tet" but they always remember and cherish the family trips to different places and countries, and all the games and practices.

Thanks for the article and giving me the opportunity to rant. I hope others have comments they can share.

[chunphi]

Thanks Sangster for the comments I appreciate it. I am sort of at one of those crossroads in the road to growing up right now so I have been reflecting a lot on issues like this. I too have noticed the families with the parents who are out there running the stores and making money to raise their families while their children start getting into gangs and such. It is really sad. And I don't blame the parents. As much as upbringing plays a huge part of one's character, parents can't be blamed for all of their childrens' decisions. The parents who are out there making a living are probably doing so because they have no other choice. I know a lot of these Vietnamese parents never got the chance to go to college, or even high school, and had to find a job and work to try to give their children chances they never had. And I respect that, even if that means they cannot spend very much time with their children.
How wonderful that your family can share such valuable family time together! It sounds like you and your wife have really put a lot of time, effort, and love into raising your family. That is very admirable. Life can get very busy and overwhelming and a lot of families just don't make family a priority.
I have been fortunate enough to have a family that sets aside family time. I just took the Bar Exam in February, and as annoyed as I was at the time, I came home for Tet to visit with my family and relatives when the exam was coming in a few weeks. They did not force me to, in fact they were so understanding and told me not to come, but something inside of me pulled me there. And that type of "tie" and close-knit feeling is what I truly appreciate. I hope that when I start my own family I will have something just as beautiful.
Good luck with everything and thanks again!

[Ly]

Phi,
The Burn Toast analogy is wonderful. I believe this phenomenon is well observed by all Vietnamese Americans but only few can put it out on words as you did. Well written.